How do I feel? Fatigued and a little deflated. I don't have that woohoo feeling at all. So much effort goes in to the course and assessment submission. I can't stop myself investing the time, but I can't quite reconcile it either. If I enjoyed it thoroughly, that would be justification enough, but I haven't, for much of it. I tie myself in knots, become really frustrated and am never, ever satisfied. My expectations are high, too high, both of myself and perhaps of the guidance I'm seeking, augmented by the long-distance nature of learning with the OCA. Either which way, it is neither a balanced or harmonious way of working. I am become too intense and unsettled in the process of making work. Issues challenge me to the core and I find myself trapped, my escape delayed, for an age, by my own intellectual limitations.
Although ultimately, I have forged a path, and now the module is complete, I am proud of my work. I made it to the finish line. And in a way that I feel is true to myself, yet fitting of the course. I am pleased I didn't default altogether, it was a close call. I have to think carefully before committing to level three however. I need to be clear as to why I'm doing it, as there must be many less demanding or troubling ways of spending my time.
For now however, October will be taken up in the present, 'spring-cleaning' this blog. As I deferred for nine months, there is period of absence on here which was replaced by write-ups in the submission. I have lost impetus with blogging and have been fairly withdrawn in my study all round. Maybe now the pressure is off, I'll stop feeling so grumpy...or maybe I'm at the age when it is an acceptable pastime to be grumpy!!