Friday 4 October 2013

Landscape submission posted off

The box has gone.  I never thought it would leave the building.  Like last time, to get the submission in a coherent state and ready to go, took so long. It's that last bit, you know, where you've finished everything, think you're done, but then presenting it and making it work as a whole submission is a really big job.

How do I feel? Fatigued and a little deflated. I don't have that woohoo feeling at all. So much effort goes in to the course and assessment submission. I can't stop myself investing the time, but I can't quite reconcile it either. If I enjoyed it thoroughly, that would be justification enough, but I haven't, for much of it. I tie myself in knots, become really frustrated and am never, ever satisfied. My expectations are high, too high, both of myself and perhaps of the guidance I'm seeking, augmented by the long-distance nature of learning with the OCA. Either which way, it is neither a balanced or harmonious way of working.  I am become too intense and unsettled in the process of making work. Issues challenge me to the core and I find myself trapped, my escape delayed, for an age, by my own intellectual limitations.  

Although ultimately, I have forged a path, and now the module is complete, I am proud of my work.  I made it to the finish line. And in a way that I feel is true to myself, yet fitting of the course.  I am pleased I didn't default altogether, it was a close call. I have to think carefully before committing to level three however. I need to be clear as to why I'm doing it, as there must be many less demanding or troubling ways of spending my time.

For now however, October will be taken up in the present, 'spring-cleaning' this blog.  As I deferred for nine months, there is period of absence on here which was replaced by write-ups in the submission. I have lost impetus with blogging and have been fairly withdrawn in my study all round. Maybe now the pressure is off, I'll stop feeling so grumpy...or maybe I'm at the age when it is an acceptable pastime to be grumpy!!

  

10 comments:

  1. Well, congratulations for achieving this, and for feeling proud of your work. A long haul, but you did say you weren't a quitter! I suspect a lot of your introspective comments are quite common, but also some of those external concerns will likely chime with more than just a few. Hope to see you around in the near future. Now crack open a good red and chin wag until the early hours!

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  2. Congratulations on reaching the finishing line for Landscapes. For level 3 all I can say is that I am finding it a great effort and also a great reward.

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  3. Congratulations on finishing the course. I am rather in the doldrums myself and it makes me feel cheered and a bit more hopeful to see you get through yours. I do hope you feel able to get back to regular(ish) blogging soon.

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  4. Wonderful that you've completed the Module and put all the work together in such good time. More importantly I'm pleased for you that you feel proud of your work after such a struggle and have confronted your expectations. Wishing you all the best for assessment.
    Catherine

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  5. Thank you John, Duncan, Eileen and Catherine for your support and words of encouragement. I'm sure Eileen you'll get through it...the doldrums seem to be an unavoidable long-cut we all have to make, on more than a few occasions.

    Really pleased to have finished finally...I thought this course might have been my downfall, I really couldn't see a way out or forward for a long time. Anyway, onwards and upwards...will be blogging again...and thank you again for sticking around!!

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  6. Congratulations - a great achievement and I am sure the work is superb. I really hope you do decide to go for Level 3 and am looking forward to seeing you blogging more too. Hope we can all get together again soon - miss you guys! x

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  7. As someone about to embark on Landscape, your post is sobering ... !

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  8. Thanks Helen, hope to be around a bit more and to catch up again soon. Amano, I'm on the old course, I'm sure you'll have a positive experience on the new.

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  9. Well done Penny! Really happy that you persevered and saw your way clear to finish it! You give me inspiration!

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  10. Thanks Vicki. Hope your studies are going well too.

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