So, where am I with regards my study. I got my results back...and was very pleased, and relieved, to receive 88%. The assessors comments will follow in a week or so. But it is a comfort that the sweat and tears paid off. I guess the downside is none of it counts to the final grade!! Nevertheless, I am delighted.
I guess I always have this unreasonable hope, that something will have shifted or slightly changed in the ether as a result of a good mark. But as you would expect, the next day, everything is the same, back to business really...no fanfare, winning lottery ticket or curator knocking on your door. So, if to all intents and purposes everything is the same, it then begs the question, why bother? why invest all the effort? And what am I hoping to achieve at the end of it? And why?
And this is what I am mulling over right now. Perhaps I should work towards attaining a good mark at level three. Or maybe sign up to purely enjoy the artistic journey. But then will I feel the same when I reach the end of that course too or will my work (and me, possibly) have matured sufficiently to take that next important step...and venture in to the world of galleries, jurors, curators and slim black frames.
By turning the question on its head to, what if I don't sign up, what then? provides the most convincing evidence for me to enrol. If I didn't have a channel to focus my creativity energy and an incentive to keep the grey matter exercised, my world would narrow significantly. I could foresee a pristine house, no more dirty washing piles, ironing piles and to-put-away piles, an increasing need to line up my furniture symmetrically or intentionally asymmetrically, immaculately dressed kids and the children's art homework would miraculously improve overnight.
But I am kidding myself. I could never be that person...although I'm itching to do the kid's art homework. I loathe housework and if I had more time available to me, I would spend the time finding creative solutions to avoid it. As lucky and privileged as I feel to be a stay-at-home mum, it calls in to question my sanity on a regular basis. And photography provides a very welcome escape for me, and more importantly my family!!
So I will continue to think through all of this over the coming months, wait until VISA and bill are no longer joined at the festive hip and see what the new year brings.